Dude, it’s not all about you.

I don’t understand my wife, girlfriend, or significant other. (If you have more than one of these, be afraid. Be very afraid!)

All kidding aside, this complaint is heard in bars, around water coolers, and in general all around the world. Guys just don’t get it. They seem to be under the illusion that they are the most important part of a relationship. That their woman should bow down and worship the ground that they walk on. They seem to have this theory especially when it comes to sex. Most guys figure, “well hell, as long as I get my rocks off, who gives a damn!” WRONG!

If that’s all you think sex is for then either go see the hooker on the street corner, or get a porno movie and some hand lotion!

If you want your lady to really want to have sex with you on a regular basis, there are a few things to remember. The most important is number one. It’s really ain’t all about you dude!

Okay a few things about me, so you don’t think I am pulling this information out of my…hat.

I am a married guy of 50. I have been around the block a time or two so let me give you the benefit of my experiences. I have learned over the years that if you want earth shaking, mind numbing, fireworks exploding sex, forget about your Johnson for awhile. Believe me he’ll get all the action you want if you follow some advice.

First things first. Make sure the atmosphere is set just right. If you really think your special lady wants to get it on in the living room while you are watching a basketball game yelling;

“How the &%$* did you miss that freakin’ free throw?” forget it. It just isn’t gonna happen!

If you think she will want to go down on you with your dirty socks on the bed, it’s not gonna happen.

To properly set the mood, I suggest getting some candles, and place them around the bedroom. (You also might want to consider putting clean sheets on the bed first) Put on some mood music. Heavy metal with screaming guitars and pounding percussion is not really a good idea. Gangsta rap is generally not a good idea. (It should be noted that there are some women who respond to these genres, but most don’t) Some smooth jazz on the other hand will change the tone entirely.

Also before you attempt the great seduction, pay a bit of attention to your grooming. Women generally are not attracted to guys when they smell like something you avoid at a bus stop. Get rid of that three day growth of beard. Believe me her thighs will appreciate it when you get up close and personal! You don’t necessarily have to go have your chest waxed, but one thing to remember. Soap and water tend to make the best aphrodisiac!

Okay, now that the mood is set and you are both in the bedroom you grab her, rip her clothes off and hump like a bunny, right? WRONG!

If you really want to impress your special lady, slowly undress her. Her- first. Then you can get yourself naked.

Next some kissing is in order (hopefully you have brushed your teeth this month!) Take your fingers, and run them all over her body, don’t get to the good parts quite yet. Skirt around her nipples, but don’t play with them quite yet. Same thing when you start exploring down under. Run your fingers around her vagina without jamming your fingers in. Run your fingers up and down her arms and her legs. Use a light touch, and take your time. After a while you can start getting close to her nipples, and then lightly play with them a bit. And by the way, grabbing her nipples between your fingers and thumb and twisting like you are attempting to reset the horizontal hold ain’t gonna get it!

By now I know you’re probably chomping at the bit to get going. Wait a while. A bit of judicious licking around and then on her nipples will drive her crazy. Do it this way, and when you start playing with her clit you will likely find her very wet and ready.

Don’t jump in here quite yet! You like it when she goes down on you right? Consider returning the favor. Robin Williams put it best in “Live at the Met” He said; “Take a lunch, stay for the day!”Take your time, and believe me keep this in mind. You are gonna get your rocks off. No matter what.

However if you do a bit of licking, believe me, she will cum so hard your neighbors might complain! Give her a few seconds to get her breath. Now you can jump on for the ride!

Guys let’s face it. All we need is a hard surface and we will pretty much be done. Take your time, try some of these suggestions and you won’t have any trouble getting laid.